I saw this done on a friend's blog. She jotted down the thoughts that she just couldn't get off her mind and it was very therapeutic. I think I am in desperate need of anything therapeutic, so here it goes. Hopefully this helps and I can get these things out of my mind!
* I HATE when my child is sick. I find her hard to take care of when she is healthy. When she is sick, I wish I could disappear to a far away island and come home when she is nice and happy. I am so worn out, all I think about is sleep.
* I really can't stand UNGRATEFUL people. It sure seems like there are a lot of them. I really have NO tolerance, whatsoever, for these people. I guess this is the same kind of person that just "expects" you to do everything for them because, "don't you know how privileged you are just to have them in your presence". Gag me!
* I am getting so excited to go get Jordan from the airport. Even though Josh can't come because he has a meeting at work, I'm so excited to see him. I can't believe it has already been 2 years. I can't wait to see how Chloee acts around him, seeing as how they have never seen each other. Yea, for Jordan, I'm sure he'll miss Peru terribly. He still writes about how he doesn't want to come home and he feels like he's only been out for a few short months, not 2 years.
* Is my baby really turning 2 next week? Wow, it makes me cry. I would never go back the newborn time, that was never something I enjoyed but I can't believe that she is really going to be 2! Where did that time go?
* I feel extremely stressed with certain things in my life right now. I feel like my life is a ship at sea. It is either incredibly beautiful with still, calm water watching the sun go down at the tips of the ocean or I'm in a hurricane / monsoon with the water raging and taking over. Sometimes the ship is full of water and I'm sinking by myself or I've been thrown off and I can barely keep my head above water, only to give up right before help arrives. The tide is constantly changing and just like the sea, changes an any given moment, without notice.
* Often at night I wonder, "Is this my life?". Am I a good enough mother, a good enough wife? Sadly, I know the answers to these questions and they are not yes. I know I could be much more patient and understanding.
* If someone tells me ONE more time how to raise my child, I promise you, I will punch them square in the face and walk away wishing I'd probably done it YEARS ago.
* I need to be better about reading my scriptures and saying my prayers. It seems so easy but I truly struggle everyday. I just need to sit down and make a routine out of it.
* My friend Jackie and I are going to do a girl's night out tonight. We BOTH are so excited. We are going to to go Olive Garden and we told our husbands that we don't know if we'll come home! Josh is so great about me taking time to recoup. I am truly grateful for that.
* My house has gone to pot. Anytime Chloee gets sick, my house suffers tremendously. It is so hard to even care. By all means, I am no Mary Poppins or MAREN, for that matter but I do hate to have a messy house for days on end. I LIVE in this pigsty 24-7, it has to be decent for me to survive in it ALL DAY.
* I hate the word "offended". In fact I detest it. It might has well be the F word to me. I think it is constantly used in the wrong context. When someone hurts your feelings, it is okay to be "offended" for crying out loud, THEY HURT YOUR FEELINGS. "Offended: hurt feelings by the ones you love" that would be my definition. Who wouldn't be offended if someone said something hurtful to you? HELLO, we all do that. Why should we always have to let it roll off our backs too? Feel bad, get it out, chew the piece of crap out, tell them how you feel and that they don't have the "right" to talk to you like that just because that's their personality! So, my personality makes me want to steal, so is that okay? NO! It should not be acceptable for a person to treat you like crap and just get away with it because that's how they are and they are not going to change. They might not change but I sure as heck am going to let them know I don't approve of their behavior and that they are WAY OUT OF LINE. Maybe one day this person will realize how hurtful their words are. Probably not because most people like this, can't see past themselves long enough to see or care about what they are doing!!!
The very sick Chlo had to be with her daddy 24-7. No one else could hold or comfort her. Poor thing, threw up Saturday night and was running a temperature of 103. We took her into InstaCare, it was an ear infection.
As part of our present to Kathy, we gave her a big tube of bubbles "for the girl within the woman". The kids loved chasing them around.
Josh made an exquisite birthday cake for his Mom. It was from scratch, yellow cake with two layers being divided up by another layer of chocolate frosting (from scratch as well). We also had homemade ice cream with it! A side note about Josh and cooking, he made one great meal too. The roast, potatoes, gravy, you name, it was amazing. I'd like to say I'm shocked but I'm not! He has a knack for cooking.
Shaun took Kathy for a ride on his shoulders. The second picture doesn't even do the motion justice of him trying to get her out the back door without hitting her head. A special side note: Shaun also gave Tyler a swirly. Yes, you read right, an actual swirly in our toilet. Shaun said it was a long time coming for Ty. I wish I could have seen it!
Someone must always get hurt at family functions. Chan hit his nose on something, it was bleeding. I love this picture, look at his cute little bum hanging out of his shorts. Give the crying, bleeding child to the nurse. It's so nice that Kathy is/was a nurse, she makes it all better.
Look at Rhyder flying in the sky. These are all the natural colors outside when I took this.
It was a blast and we are glad that everyone could make it to be here for Kathy. We all know she loves having all of her kids together. Thanks for helping with everything Kathy, even though it was for your birthday.
How beautiful to see our American flag draped across his coffin. Grandpa served in the Navy, just one more thing to admire him for, along with all the other many accomplishments he did in his life.
I felt as though I were this tree on Sunday. The only thing that was holding me up from completely falling apart was a tiny little wire, something that could easily give way at any moment and make my body at one with the ground.
I was worried sick about my talk, I worked on it almost all of Saturday. About midnight rolled around and I decided to get some shut eye. I made one last look at Chloee and realized she was incredibly HOT, not sleeping very deep and extremely ornery. We took her temperature (rectally, hey that's all we have that works) so you could imagine how MAD she was. Sure enough it was 103. We took her downstairs to give her some Tylenol. In goes the first half of the syringe and she starts screaming, stands up and pukes all over the carpet. A lot of blueberries came up, it was almost impossible to get out of the carpet. I moved her over to the tile just to have her throw up 2 more times. It was all over the tile, me and her. We knew we were in for a night of FUN! After lots of screaming, crying, holding, rocking and laying on an inflatable mattress in our front room, she finally let me sleep solid from 6-8 am. I was running off 2 hours of sleep. The only reason I woke up was because my mom called at 8 am to see how she was doing. I almost slept through church! That would have been grand! Josh's mom was on her way up to listen to us talk. We figured it was food poisoning where she was doing better.
We got to church about 5 minutes before it started. Lucky for us the youth speaker took about 5 minutes instead of 30 seconds. Josh said, "Let's give that kid a hug!". Josh had LITERALLY NO TIME to do his talk. He was doing it when Chloee got sick on Sunday night. He kept telling me, "Take your time, I really don't have a lot". Great, that's what I was telling him earlier on in the week. I said the opening prayer and then went on to talk after the youth speaker. I took a little over 20 minutes! I didn't even realize I was up there that long. I was completely guided by the spirit and was able to get though it without too many mistakes. By the time I was done and the rest him was over, Josh had about 5 minutes. Needless to say, he did 15 minutes and had shortened it way down. Funny how things like that work out.
We came home after Sacrament Meeting. Chloee was on the rise again in temperature. She only wanted to lay on Josh's shoulder, it all pointed to an ear infection to me. We were getting everything ready for the birthday party dinner we were doing for Josh's mom and all the kids. We took her to KidsCare and were there for an hour. YEP, A BAD EAR INFECTION. We were at the pharmacy for an hour and by the time we got home, Josh cooked for about 3 hours straight. Talk about BAD, BAD timing. I am so glad that it is all over! At least now we know what is wrong with Chloee and that she can be on some meds and that we are ALL done with our talks. From now on the answer is, "NO"!
SORRY FOR THE SUPER LONG POST. I'M SURE YOU SCANNED IT STACIE, MAYBE NOT EVEN THAT. SORRY IF THIS IS BORING TO EVERYONE BUT AS I'VE SAID BEFORE, MY JOURNAL, DEAL WITH IT OR DON'T READ IT!
I actually get physically sick when I have to talk in Sacrament Meeting. I don't sleep almost all week and I have nightmares about it. I wake up with a stomach ache in the mornings and any time I think about it, I want to puke! Unless you have experienced the same thing, you have NO IDEA what a real challenge and sacrifice this is for me. I would rather teach Relief Society every week. This is just not something I can do. I don't feel like my talk ever really comes together. I get so nervous, I talk fast, I shake, my voice trembles and I can't read. I am so not looking forward to tomorrow. As I sit here trying to prepare my talk, I feel like I have no puzzle pieces to connect to make the finale so great and marvelous and well worth the time slaved into the puzzle.
Why is this so hard for me? Why is this something that brings me turmoil? I wish I had the gift of speaking in front of others. I can carry on a conversation with any stranger, people I'm uncomfortable around and those that probably don't like me. This, I cannot do. If the bishopric member would have asked me, I would have said no. Ok, that's probably not true because Josh told him he'd have to talk to me about it first and he'd get back to him. Oh great, now it's my own fault! I wanted to say no SO badly but with A LOT of prayer hopefully it comes together and sounds half decent.
Just had to take a break for a minute and get my feelings down!
Josh and I watched this movie last night. Talk about a total heart-wrencher!!! This movie was so cute and I think that Hilary Swank is an excellent actress. Also, who wouldn't want to watch anything with Gerard Butler in it?
I bawled pretty much through the entire thing. Not only because the movie portrayed all of the emotions so adequately but because it got me thinking about my own life. It really hit me that you just honestly don't know when life may end for you or your spouse. A freak car accident could take the one you love away and I thought "What would the last words have been that I had said?". I'm sure that they would be something I would have regretted. It came a little close to home as she spoke of how she was always so mad at him and would say hurtful things and not let the fight die. I know that's how I am and I hated seeing how much it ripped her apart and how she felt like all she remembered was always being mad at him. I know I would hate myself being that way and I would live in a life of regret.
The movie opened my eyes to a better and more loving wife I could be. I need to let the petty things go and let the jokes (that I'm not in the mood for) roll off my back and be grateful everyday that I DO have Josh in my life. Any moment that can all be taken away from me and when I look back I want to feel as though I didn't waste our time in fights and unspoken moments of anger. I love Josh more than anything, I feel very grateful for how blessed I am to have such an amazing husband. I hope I never have to find out how to get through this life without you, Josh!
Call it an addiction, call us crazy but Amy and I are obsessed with Bubble Bobble. Yes, you would not understand unless you grew up playing this game 24-7! Josh and Micheal soooo don't remotely understand, they think it's boring and stupid.
Check out the last 2 pictures, the screaming and concerned look on her face came as the ducks were getting closer and closer to her!
Last but certainly not least... Spending time with Daddy is Chloee's favorite thing to do whether it's feeding the ducks, being chased around the house, playing outside or screaming at him! There is one surefire thing about Chloee and that is, SHE LOVES HER DADDY!
A sweet old lady from our ward gave me a bunch of baby strawberry plants. They are "Chloee's". We had already decided they would be hers and she could help plant and water them. She wanted to help but thought that helping consisted of pulling the "leaves" off the plants. Chloee loves to help with everything, vacuuming, dishes, laundry, you name it, she wants to do it and by herself, big shock. I guess I should take advantage of that now because come a few more years she will not want to do any of it!
We went and watched Josh's mom come over the finish line at the Ogden Marathon. She is so amazing, NO JOKE, this marathon was number 14 for her! It was cute, the closer she got, Chloee recognized her and was beaming, hence Kathy's smile. Her hat made a bad shadow but still I thought it was a cute shot of her.
Did I mention that she got back on Wednesday night from a 2 week vacation in Europe and ran the race on Saturday. See what I mean, TOUGH AS NAILS!
Kathy and her sister, Ellen. They have ran every marathon together. Yep, all 14!
No day is complete without "grandma kisses". Way to be, you're the woman!
Well, or DVD player broke yesterday. Amy must be contagious because hers broke just a few days before that. Josh has been wanting a ClearPlay DVD player FOREVER. He has been anxiously waiting for our Sony to die. Well, the day came and as no surprise to us our luck went as follows...
We bought the NEW player at Seagull Book. We get home and there's no remote, no instructions, no filter stick, no nothing but the DVD player. Naturally, we pick this one of ALL the ones that were there. Josh makes a dash back to Seagull (which mind you, isn't that close to our house by any means). He comes home with the new one that DOES have all of the right stuff in it and it's a stupid one. It won't load, it randomly shuts itself off, goes crazy and opens and closes the tray, "Eject, Load, No Disc", it keeps saying. Oh at this point, HE'S FUMING MAD. Josh doesn't get mad very often but when he does, steer clear. If he could have got a hold of the company at 10:30 at night, they would have got an ear full! I just want one that works, kick Clearplay to the curb....
Yesterday, as well, our luck just kept on running. Chloee was standing up on the chair at the table and was trying to play with the blinds, I was upstairs, Josh was downstairs and all of a sudden, BOOM, CRASH... and LOTS of crying. The chair fell down and hit the sliding glass door, she came tumbling behind it. Luckily, the chair took the brunt of the fall and braced her from pretty much cracking her head open. Needless to say, the back of the chair was snapped in half. Oh crap, those aren't exactly Fisher Price plastic, cheap chairs. The bars in the back are busted, we'll see if they are salvageable. I think not, Josh things so, I'll post later whose right. I must admit, probably Josh, he can fix anything but still....
Today I was tending my friend's two little boys while she went and got her hair cut. About 5 minutes after she left, her little one, Jack, wanted to see the horses out my front window. The front window is a bay and I opened the one on the left then moved onto the main one and as I was pulling the blind up the WHOLE THING came out of the wall and barely missed Jack's head. Are you kidding me, why is everything at my house falling apart all at the same time? It left dents in the wall where it came crashing down and it is not even reusable. Well, on the bright side, at least it's payday so we can buy a REAL, actual working DVD player, new blinds for the front room and either a new chair or whatever Josh needs to fix the broken one. Oh yes and this is not a picture of my house but you probably already knew that! Gotta love when things like this happen. At least it's the weekend, that's all I have to say!
We had my family and Amy's family down for dinner on Sunday. It was nice to get together and just have fun. I love my mom so much and she does so much for me, it's not even funny! She is one of the most selfless people I know and she has such a tender and sweet heart.
Oh, here's the usual with Chloee and pictures! I had a wonderful Mother's Day. Josh decorated the kitchen with streamers and balloons and a sign with Chloee. He let me sleep in, ok, as much as he could, we had church at 9 am. He was also going to make breakfast but late Saturday night he remembered that it was our Fast Sunday on Mother's Day. We had so much fun together. Chloee made me a cute paper with flowers in nursery and Josh gave me No Reservations (which I love and have been wanting it forever) and a gym bag. I had been wanting one to go to the gym, you know ever since I am trying to get my rear end in gear! I also got some clothes.
Last but not least, my mother-in-law, Kathy. Kathy was in Europe over Mother's Day but she still took the time to write me a nice email wishing me a happy mother's day. She is so sweet and I love her so much. Although we have had our ups and downs I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. She has been so much more than a mother-in-law to me. She has been an amazing friend, mother and confidant. I think our personalities are soooo much alike and that is why we have clashed in the past but for that exact same reason we get along so well. We think alike and do alike and therefore it is so much fun to be together. I am truly so grateful for a Mother-in-law who loves me despite my many faults and can forgive me of my wrongdoings. I love you so much Kathy, probably more than you even know. Thank You!
I wanted to just write a quick note before I go to bed. Today was my first wedding in the photography business. What a breakthrough for me and I had to put up a picture of me after this great accomplishment! It reminded me of how long a wedding is and how long mine felt. The temple was beautiful, it was at the Bountiful temple and I couldn't have asked for better weather. The reception was gorgeous as well. Look for pictures to be coming on my photography blog! I'm tired and I feel like I have so much to do with little or no time!
It has been a crazy few days. On Saturday I did bridals for 5 hours, it was so much fun. I did Amy's family pictures on Monday, today I had the wedding, tomorrow I am taking some child pictures for someone coming up to my house and on Saturday I have some family pictures I'm doing in Salt Lake. After that I am taking some time to get all of these pictures edited.... The thought of it makes me cringe. There is so much to do!
June will be crazy. My birthday the 1st, Chloee's the 3rd. My brother comes home from Peru the 4th. A little party for Chloee the 6th, pictures for a wedding the 7th and my brother's homecoming the 8th. Family in town for a few days, Chloee's 2 year check up and mom and dad's anniversary on the 10th! Wow, just thought I'd jot down a few of the happenings here!
I feel so blessed and grateful for everything that has fallen into place with this photography business and I have a lot to thank to Josh. He has supported me and been amazing through all of it and I could never to do it without him. He does majority of the photo editing and I call him my "IT guy". He is amazing!
So much emotion when Amy saw and held her boys as she got off the plane.
Do you think Micheal walked down those escalators? NO.... he ran!!!
Absolutely priceless! I don't think there was a dry eye.
Still the same old Micheal that left! Hates the camera and always pulling funny faces.
We love you and have missed you SOOOOO much Micheal! I'm sad you guys move to Alaska in the next 2 weeks to a month! 
