The Results

THIS IS A SUPER LONG POST. DON'T THINK YOU HAVE TO READ IT. I PUT DETAIL IN THIS BECAUSE I USE THIS BLOG AS MY JOURNAL A LOT OF THE TIME, SO I PUT A LOT OF THOUGHTS OF MINE AND EMOTIONS AS WELL IN IT, THAT WAY I CAN READ BACK ON IT SOMEDAY AND REMEMBER ALL MY FEELINGS!

As most of you know, we had our 2nd appointment at Primary Children's Hospital yesterday for Chloee. It was a very physically, mentally and emotionally draining day, as most things are when it comes to Chloee.

We went in for the VCUG 2 hours prior to our actual appointment with the doctor. This is where they do the bladder x-rays. I knew I probably wouldn't be able to be in there and see it but I did start out in there. She got to wear a cute little hospital gown with her little diaper bum hanging out the back. I stayed on the outside of the radiation room section and watched through a window. Josh held her hands above her head, the technician held her legs apart and the nurse did the catheter. She screamed of course, A LOT! They drained her bladder and had to fill it up with some fluid to the maximum capacity that her bladder could take it. She was hysterical and they said that it really hurts them to have it be that full. As she screamed for me and her face turned purple, I had to step out. I left the room and could still hear her so I went OUT of the radiology department into the main hallway of the hospital and I COULD STILL HEAR HER! It was absolute torture. I bawled like a child and I felt like the worst parent alive! The actual exam only took about 25 minutes or so. I went back in and they couldn't get her to urinate. She was screaming for me. They said, "You can see your mommy once you pee, okay!" Oh, rip my heart from my chest and leave me there to die. They had to bandage her legs together and turn her side to side to get the x-rays and images. It was not fun but when I was finally able to go hold and comfort her, I felt whole again! There is nothing I hate more than seeing my child in pain. I would gladly take it and go through anything for her, just to take it away but I know that I can't. It really softened my heart and made me think that that must be how our Heavenly Father feels. He wants to take it away but he knows that we must experience these things. It must be the worst pain to watch your children do the things they do or the things they go through and know that you can't do anything!

Then we had an hour wait until our actual doctor appointment, so we went to the cafeteria. She got to get some treats and she loved the sucker they gave her after her x-rays. We sat and talked and laughed as Chloee was saying "Hi" to everyone!

I was originally going to cancel my appointment because she was no longer complaining about the paint but I had a feeling to keep it and better off to know that she is fine. Well, such was not the case. I am so glad I kept that appointment. She has Primary Vesicoureteral Reflux. She only has it on her left side, which is good. It means that instead of her urine exiting through the urethra, it is backing back up, or "refluxing" back into her kidneys. The doctor said that on a scale of severity from 1-5, Chloee is a 2. On 4 & 5 they usually have them do surgery right away. When it is not as severe they like to play the "waiting" game. 80% of the children with the lower severity will correct itself in the next 3-5 years. This is what this means for us. She will be on an anti-biotic EVERYDAY for the next 3-5 YEARS. The antibiotic is to help prevent her getting any UTI's. When she gets infection in there, that is when it causes problems. When it refluxes back to her kidneys and their is an infection in there, that is when serious damage is done to the kidneys. Evidently, your kidneys grow or develope the most in the first 3 or so years of life, so it is a very big deal if she gets a UTI. If she does, I have to make sure that the doctor cultures it and I have to call Primary's and they will decide what they want to do as far as surgery or anything goes. She basically has to be on a very close watch. Here's the stinky thing, it is genetic and she was born with it. We have a 33% change that all of our girls will have this problem and Chloee's girl's have a 75% chance that they will have it. I don't know whose side is comes from.

She has to have a VCUG done every year to see how the progress is coming. She has to have ultrasounds on her kidneys done very other year and our other children (mainly girls) will have to be tested for this same thing. I am overwhelmed. Being a woman and a mother and just being ME, I cry a lot and I feel as though things could have been worse but I feel so bad for Chloee. She has had a run of bad health since she was born. The way I look at it, my daughter is one tough cookie. She has been through a lot since she was born and she is a fighter. In this world you have to be a fighter to get through this wicked, wicked world and I am so glad to have her. She is such a strength to me and the best blessing. I know that she is being prepared for greater things in her life. What a growing and humbling experience it has been to be a mother and experience feelings and emotions I didn't even know I had. It has been a rough 2 years but I wouldn't trade any of it for anything in the world.