Rabbit Trails

I saw this done on a friend's blog. She jotted down the thoughts that she just couldn't get off her mind and it was very therapeutic. I think I am in desperate need of anything therapeutic, so here it goes. Hopefully this helps and I can get these things out of my mind!

* I HATE when my child is sick. I find her hard to take care of when she is healthy. When she is sick, I wish I could disappear to a far away island and come home when she is nice and happy. I am so worn out, all I think about is sleep.

* I really can't stand UNGRATEFUL people. It sure seems like there are a lot of them. I really have NO tolerance, whatsoever, for these people. I guess this is the same kind of person that just "expects" you to do everything for them because, "don't you know how privileged you are just to have them in your presence". Gag me!

* I am getting so excited to go get Jordan from the airport. Even though Josh can't come because he has a meeting at work, I'm so excited to see him. I can't believe it has already been 2 years. I can't wait to see how Chloee acts around him, seeing as how they have never seen each other. Yea, for Jordan, I'm sure he'll miss Peru terribly. He still writes about how he doesn't want to come home and he feels like he's only been out for a few short months, not 2 years.

* Is my baby really turning 2 next week? Wow, it makes me cry. I would never go back the newborn time, that was never something I enjoyed but I can't believe that she is really going to be 2! Where did that time go?

* I feel extremely stressed with certain things in my life right now. I feel like my life is a ship at sea. It is either incredibly beautiful with still, calm water watching the sun go down at the tips of the ocean or I'm in a hurricane / monsoon with the water raging and taking over. Sometimes the ship is full of water and I'm sinking by myself or I've been thrown off and I can barely keep my head above water, only to give up right before help arrives. The tide is constantly changing and just like the sea, changes an any given moment, without notice.

* Often at night I wonder, "Is this my life?". Am I a good enough mother, a good enough wife? Sadly, I know the answers to these questions and they are not yes. I know I could be much more patient and understanding.

* If someone tells me ONE more time how to raise my child, I promise you, I will punch them square in the face and walk away wishing I'd probably done it YEARS ago.

* I need to be better about reading my scriptures and saying my prayers. It seems so easy but I truly struggle everyday. I just need to sit down and make a routine out of it.

* My friend Jackie and I are going to do a girl's night out tonight. We BOTH are so excited. We are going to to go Olive Garden and we told our husbands that we don't know if we'll come home! Josh is so great about me taking time to recoup. I am truly grateful for that.

* My house has gone to pot. Anytime Chloee gets sick, my house suffers tremendously. It is so hard to even care. By all means, I am no Mary Poppins or MAREN, for that matter but I do hate to have a messy house for days on end. I LIVE in this pigsty 24-7, it has to be decent for me to survive in it ALL DAY.

* I hate the word "offended". In fact I detest it. It might has well be the F word to me. I think it is constantly used in the wrong context. When someone hurts your feelings, it is okay to be "offended" for crying out loud, THEY HURT YOUR FEELINGS. "Offended: hurt feelings by the ones you love" that would be my definition. Who wouldn't be offended if someone said something hurtful to you? HELLO, we all do that. Why should we always have to let it roll off our backs too? Feel bad, get it out, chew the piece of crap out, tell them how you feel and that they don't have the "right" to talk to you like that just because that's their personality! So, my personality makes me want to steal, so is that okay? NO! It should not be acceptable for a person to treat you like crap and just get away with it because that's how they are and they are not going to change. They might not change but I sure as heck am going to let them know I don't approve of their behavior and that they are WAY OUT OF LINE. Maybe one day this person will realize how hurtful their words are. Probably not because most people like this, can't see past themselves long enough to see or care about what they are doing!!!

OH, THAT FELT AMAZING TO JUST GET THAT DOWN! That was VERY therapeutic, I feel much better. This will have to become a regular, weekly thing for me. Wow, I really can't explain how good I feel right now.