New Year Resolutions / Goals

I do not like New Year's resolutions or goals. I feel like all I am doing is setting myself up for failure. My therapist once told me that the reason we hate these goals is because we make them so unattainable. We want to all of a sudden change and be this different person by the first of the year, because we already want to feel like we're accomplishing our goals.

I've learned through sad experience to keep them simple and most importantly, attainable.

1. I want to be a more forgiving person. I have a lot of bad feelings that I have been harboring for quite some time and I seem to hold onto them for dear life. I have been done wrong plenty of times and it seems stupid to forgive things that are just going to continue to happen. I need to let go of these feelings, they are only pulling me down. That is much easier said than done. The only person it is hurting is me but I almost feel like I am being vulnerable by forgiving and I need to let that go. It will take time, for sure, but I am now willing to work on it.

2. I want to be a fun mom. I am an extremely anxiety ridden person, no if, and or buts about that. It is just part of who I am, part of my personality. I want to be a less up-tight mom, one who can actually get down on her hands and knees and play around with her kids. I want to be the mom who lets the little things go and can smile when things may not go the way I planned and just roll with the punches. I want my girls to remember me as a fun mom, who always took the time to be with them and truly get to know all about them. I want my kids to look back when they are older and feel the way I feel about my mom when I was growing up. She is a great person for me to want to pattern my life after.

3. I want to become more spiritual. This is a huge fight for me. I struggle with this a lot. I struggle with prayer and scripture reading, on a personal level. I want to just start with saying my prayers every night. Not even multiple times a day, baby steps for me, attainable. I want to start reading more and for right now, I think I will start with reading my scriptures 3 days a week. I really want to finish the Book of Mormon I started when I was pregnant with Halle but I'm not going to make that a goal. I want to feel the spirit more prevalently in my life and it all starts with my personal relationship with Heavenly Father and my savior, Jesus Christ.

4. I want to run the Freedom Run this July. That is a 15k, 9.3 miles. I used to run it back in high school. I really wanted to run it when my dad did his 20th year of running it, same as when they ran it for Micheal back in 2009 but due to health and personal issues, I was not able to. Last year I signed up to do the TOU marathon and due to health reasons I had to back out. This year, I do it for my dad's 20th race and for my sweet brother, Micheal. I was not able to do this 2 years ago and this year, it's my turn to make up for what I missed. I'm not trying for a certain time, I'm not going for not being dead last, because I very well may be the last. My goal is just to finish it. I know that is something I CAN do.

5. I want to do more service. The big thing I want to do is visit the elderly in nursing homes. On Christmas Eve, I went and visited my uncle who is in a nursing home. It was the best thing I had done in a while. Although at first he didn't know me, we had a great time as we talked, both cried and laughed. At least once a month, I want to make/take something and take it to a nursing home and ask the nurses who never gets visitors and go take them something and just simply take the time to get to know them and be a friend.

There you have it. A lot of these were inspired to me as I wrote my things to give Micheal for Christmas, and I put it in the box. Next thing to do is to buy my tokens, do them and fill up the jar at Micheal's grave. (I know this doesn't make sense to most of you. A post to come.)

BRING ON 2011!