Freedom Isn't Free...

That ever so true saying that "Freedom Isn't Free" became as real as ever 1 year ago, on Monday, February 23, 2009 when my beloved brother (I refuse to use in-law, he was never that to Josh or myself) Micheal was killed during combat in Iraq.

I can still remember what I was wearing and where I was standing when I got the horrible news. We had just come home from the hospital the day before from having our sweet Halle. We hadn't even been home for 24 hours yet. Amy had called my mom, who was staying with me to help me with our new little one. My mom was sitting on the stairs when she suddenly burst into tears and her hands were shaking up and down as she screamed, "No, Amy! No, No, No, No!!!!" In the moment, I knew. I knew exactly what it was and it felt as though my heart had dropped to my feet.

That day Micheal became a hero! Not just to all of his family who already knew this about him but to our entire country!

That day another became a hero. Amy! It takes a hero to realize that you will never see your eternal love again during this earthly life. It takes a hero to bury your hero, knowing that he died for this country, knowing that he gave everything and knowing that if you'd just said, "No" to joining the Army when he asked you about it, none of this would have happened but KNOWING that wasn't the will of the Lord, accepting it and saying, "Yes" shows how much of a hero she truly is. Knowing this was a possibility and doing it anyway shows courage.

I miss seeing this family of 4.

I miss seeing my husband laugh with his best friend. I miss the smart alec remarks the 2 would make to Amy and I. Micheal was Josh's best friend. I've never seen him as close with anyone as he was with Micheal. They talked about any and everything. I don't think I've seen Josh genuinely laugh so hard that he almost pukes as he did when he was with Micheal. They fed off of each other. I miss seeing that smile on their faces when Amy and I would do something that "embarrassed" them. I miss hearing them ask each other, "What did we marry into?".

I wish that Amy wasn't doing these marathons in remembrance of Micheal. I wish it was just for fun so that she could see Micheal's face beaming with pride as she crosses the finish line. I wish I could change so many things.

My Dad has always been a very patriotic man, always. This past year was his 20th year of running The Freedom Run, a 15K over the 4th of July. My insanely amazing father carried this flag the entire 9.3 miles of the race in memory of his son, Micheal.

Micheal, was in what you would call a "comfortable" stage of life. In the middle of the year he quit his job as an elementary school teacher and joined the Army. Micheal was an amazing teacher, there's proof of that just in the fact that so many of his students talk to Amy all the time on Facebook and tell her how much they loved him as their teacher.

I remember Amy telling me that there was one of the guys in Micheal's platoon that Micheal helped to get accepted into a school. Micheal was a human encyclopedia. She had told me about how he had helped another soldier write letters or reports, something and how he helped him to go back to school.

Micheal touched more lives than we can probably even imagine. My favorite in this picture is the boy in his scout shirt, saluting. I don't know what it is about him but when I saw him and as I look at this picture, that boy and his expression bring tears to my eyes. I don't even know if he was one of Micheal's students but there's something different about him from the others.

I have always respected the American Flag but now I can hardly look at one waving in the wind without tears streaming down my cheek.

As I watched the dads and brothers placing their boutonniere on top of the casket, I could see and feel all of their emotions just in the way they set their flower on top. I remember each of them very distinctly as I was taking pictures, it was as if time had stopped as I observed each one of them.

An American Hero. Micheal was and is every meaning of those words.

His funeral was just as he would have wanted it. It was his favorite kind of day. It was gray, dark and gloomy, his very favorite. Who loves that kind of day? Our Micheal did and it was perfect!

I miss Micheal. Words really can't explain it. Some days it still doesn't feel real. Some days it seems like he's still just on deployment. My heart aches for my sweet sister who is in tremendous pain. I feel like my pain is so overwhelming that I might just combust into a million pieces. If I feel that way, I can't even begin to understand or comprehend how she feels. I love her so much and I'm amazed, literally everyday, at how she does what she does!

I also cannot imagine the pain and anguish that Micheal's parents are experiencing. No parent should ever have to outlive their child. I love Boyd and Susan and have spent a lot of time at their house this past year and have really gotten to know them. Well, have been able to get to know Boyd as well as you can.... I swear the man never talks! I have had many great talks with Susan. The entire Alleman clan have become a part of our family. We may have lost our brother but we gained an entire new family in the process!

I love you, Micheal! Thank you for the freedom that I enjoy everyday! Thank you!