The Inevitable

I know that many people have written me to make sure I'm not dead, because my blog has lacked a new post for almost an entire month. Everyone that knows me knows I don't usually like to go more than a couple of days. Well, it will and HAS inevitably come out that we are expecting a baby! This is SO MUCH SOONER than I ever like extended people to know but everything I could and want to blog about would spill the beans about baby number 2.

The main and most important reason I haven't blogged is that I have been sick pretty much since conception... NO I AM NOT JOKING. So it has been a LONG 9 weeks for me. For those of you that were around when I was pregnant with Chloee KNOW how sick I was and that I was in the hospital multiple times and that I did infusion therapy too. Well, if it is at ALL possible, I have been WORSE with this one and way, way sooner. I didn't start getting sick with Chloee until about 8 weeks but this one had an 8 week lead on her. It has been terrible. My mom, Josh and my co-workers then probably remember it most and how BAD it was.

I have been in getting IV's all the time, one time I went into the Insta-care 3 times in one week to have IV's and in just one week, I lost 10 lbs. I remember with Chloee I was 4 months pregnant and only weighed 90 lbs.

Tuesday, July 29th was our 5 year anniversary. I spent it in Infusion Therapy in Logan Hospital with 6 chemo patients for 5 hours and Josh was out of the country in Canada for business. What a way to spend your anniversary, right? Well, my dr wanted to see me afterwards to check for twins because I have been sick so early. I bawled as the guy did the ultrasound and I was so relieved that it is only 1. I know that plenty of you would love 2, but I was so relieved! I go in for infusion therapy once a week with all my wonderful chemo friends up there in Logan. I actually became very close to one of them as we talked.

Well, to sum it up, I'm not far along, I can't stop throwing up, a baby can actually live through violent thrashes to its home and it has been the longest 9 weeks of my life. I started losing my hair, chunks and chunks of it. My dr said where I throw up so much, I have NO nutrients in me so the baby is taking it from anywhere it can, my hair, cuticles, teeth, you name it. Reluctantly, I went to get my hair cut. I have been growing it out for 2 years!!! When I went into the gal that used to cut my hair in Logan she had to take off 3 1/2" just to level up my broken, dry, disgusting hair. I cried in the chair as I watched it fall to the floor. I know, it wasn't healthy anyway but still it was hard to watch. You know, me and those chemo patients have more in common than you think. We are both throwing up in there and losing our hair, the only difference is, my infusion therapy is in an IV and most of them have PortaCaths.

Well, there it is. There is so much more that goes into this time, emotions and feelings, things I don't think I can share at this time, if maybe ever. But know that at this time, I feel peace and that is something I have been searching for for a long time! I have experienced things in the last 9 weeks spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically that I never want to experience again and some that I have waited my life to experience and wouldn't trade that for anything! I will leave it at that, only a few of you know what I am talking about but I must say that right now, I feel content, peace, comfort and love.

I would feel terribly ungrateful if I didn't thank my mom who has been a saint in taking care of me for OVER a week and for taking care of my daughter 24-7. She has done more that I could ever possibly ask for. Maren who has watched Chloee on countless occasions as I went to the hospital and has let us stay at her house for hours on end and takes care of Chloee as I throw up and make her laugh. My wonderful sister who went with me to take bridal photos for 8 hours and watched me puke all over her mother-in-laws lawn amongst other things. My sweet mother-in-law who has listened to me bawl and has bawled with me and loved me. Also, for taking care of Chloee so that I could sleep and for being so easy going about everything this weekend. I am sure I have missed someone in here that has helped me through this time..... Awh, yes, my sweet husband, how he puts up with me and the awful things I say, I don't know. He's been a saint and even painted the house for me last weekend. I love you all, THANK YOU!