I actually get physically sick when I have to talk in Sacrament Meeting. I don't sleep almost all week and I have nightmares about it. I wake up with a stomach ache in the mornings and any time I think about it, I want to puke! Unless you have experienced the same thing, you have NO IDEA what a real challenge and sacrifice this is for me. I would rather teach Relief Society every week. This is just not something I can do. I don't feel like my talk ever really comes together. I get so nervous, I talk fast, I shake, my voice trembles and I can't read. I am so not looking forward to tomorrow. As I sit here trying to prepare my talk, I feel like I have no puzzle pieces to connect to make the finale so great and marvelous and well worth the time slaved into the puzzle.
Why is this so hard for me? Why is this something that brings me turmoil? I wish I had the gift of speaking in front of others. I can carry on a conversation with any stranger, people I'm uncomfortable around and those that probably don't like me. This, I cannot do. If the bishopric member would have asked me, I would have said no. Ok, that's probably not true because Josh told him he'd have to talk to me about it first and he'd get back to him. Oh great, now it's my own fault! I wanted to say no SO badly but with A LOT of prayer hopefully it comes together and sounds half decent.
Just had to take a break for a minute and get my feelings down!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
A Struggle
Posted by Kimberlee at 3:08 PM
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5 comments:
You will do fabulous Kim!! I know it! Even though you may feel shaky and nervous the whole time, guaranteed someone will hear something that they needed in their lives at that moment! Just give it your best, I know you can do it! And once you sit down after you're done, take a big breath and relax the rest of the day. You have a gift of conveying great emotion and touching people, even when you don't think so. Good luck, I'll keep you in my prayers!
So, Kimberlee, how did it go? I hate to talk in Sacrament meeting too and I know a lot of people get physically ill. I hope you were able to conquer your fears and put that one behind you! I'm sure you did awesome!! You are such a great person with so much insight to share! (plus if you did a poor job, it doesn't matter--it is our responsibility as the person receiving the message to be prepared and let the Spirit teach us!!) Enjoy a restful Sabbath! (now that it's over!)
I know you've heard before that sometimes the Lord hands us things "to make weak things become strong". I know this isn't much comfort when you are dying inside, but you may never know who you may touch. When I was approached by our bishopric to speak I had to find out what Js work schedule was. I like you wanted to say no SO bad, and have never prayed harder for J to work that Sunday. But wouldn't ya know, it was his first sunday off in months!! The Lord really knows what he's doing. :) You are such a spiritually strong person and have sooo much to offer! I'm sure you were fabulous!! You always are.
I'm sure you DID a wonderful job! Talking in sacrament meeting really is a tough thing to do! A lot of people experience the same symptoms as you when they have to do the same thing. I used to...but then I decided that I wanted to be a teacher and I had to make myself get over it. But I still get shaky, believe it or not! Jon's mom has it really bad...she actually passed out at the pulpit one time and she refused to do it again! (Which I don't blame her in the slightest). :) I hope that everything went well with your talk. You are a very gifted writer, and so I'm sure that if you said what you wrote, than things went fine.
I'm sorry you've been under so much stress. Don't you wish you could just call the bishop and say, "Umm . . . about that speaking in church gig . . .not so much." LOL. I bet you did amazing and touched many people. You're so real and that will shine through even all those emotions. I hope you can sleep good tonight knowing this is all behind you. :-)
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